Plato visits Socrates during office hours

PLATO: Hello Socrates, the wisest and justest tenured professor I have ever known.

SOCRATES: Plato, my prized student of Philosophy 101, what have you come to inquire about? I apologize for my haste, I just got off the phone with the Athenians. They want me to come to another academic conference, but I do object to their lack of concern for the welfare of their souls.

PLATO: Uh, totally. I have arrived at your office hours to ask you to clarify your views on the morality of oratory. And to get an extension.

SOCRATES: I see. But I would much rather ask you, are other professors giving you extensions?

PLATO: Gorgias, sir, has offered me an extension before.

SOCRATES: And tell me, does Gorgias refer to himself as a professor?

PLATO: Yes, he does. Not only at this college, but in all settings.

SOCRATES: Interesting. Remind me, is Gorgias adjunct?

PLATO: I believe so.

SOCRATES: And is “adjunct” the same as “full-time,” and can a real professor be both things?

PLATO: Um … I don’t know?

SOCRATES: And if an adjunct is not a real professor, are they entitled to giving extensions?


SOCRATES: And if this is true, should they be allowed to take coffee from the faculty lounge?

PLATO: I don’t know, that seems kind of…petty?

SOCRATES: But we cannot know definitively. Tell me, what courses are you thinking of taking next semester?

PLATO: Logic 101, Truth 220 and Topics in Biology to fulfill my Math/Science Core requirement. I’m probably going to declare my Interdisciplinary Writing minor soon. Will you be teaching anything in the spring?

SOCRATES: I’m not sure. I’ve been rather busy lately.

PLATO: What have you been working on?

SOCRATES: Mainly guest lecturing, normal lecturing, preserving the oral tradition … commuting also takes a long time. I live an hour and a half away and have to come in three days a week.

PLATO: Socrates, if you don’t mind me asking, how did you get tenure if you haven’t actually published anything?

SOCRATES: Is the mark of a great professor being published?

PLATO: Well, I don’t know, but a lot of my other prof-

SOCRATES: And if we aren’t certain that being published makes a professor great, is there reason to believe that there a false knowledge as well as true knowledge?


SOCRATES: But now that you mention it, would you be interested in being my TA?

The Weekly Twitter
Save the date
2017 Fall Issue 9February 1st, 2017
The big day is here. Happy Reading