Author: Henry Meier
Cookie. It’s hard to think of a word more synonymous with delicious dessert than this noun. Yes, other sweets come to mind, pudding, pie, ice cream, but when it comes down to it, cookies take the cake (pardon the pun) in the dessert department. Maybe the greatest thing about cookies is the overwhelming diversity that they bring to the table. With cookies you are not just limited to different fruits you can cram into it, or types of frosting you can put on top. Cookies have the unique advantage of being pretty much anything that is baked, flat and remotely sweet (though even this last characteristic isn’t completely necessary).
Cookies draw on all other desserts for inspiration. Some might say they are imitating other desserts, but I say they are perfecting them. Why? Well first off, they are just better, but there are also several other factors. There is a matter of portability. It’s hard to fit a chocolate cake into your pocket, but a double chocolate with chocolate chips cookie slides right in there. Also, there is no need for utensils when it comes to cookies. Unlike the vast majority of other desserts, fingers do the job . . . that’s what she said.
Second, cookies have the wonderful ability to be dunked into milk, coffee and other delectable beverages. I’m not saying peach cobbler isn’t a delicious dessert, but its dunkability is severely limited, especially when compared to an oatmeal raisin cookie or a graham cracker.
Thirdly, cookies have the potential to be used like another wonder of the modern world: sliced bread. Yes, I am talking about sandwich cookies. Oreos have to be the most popular in this category, but any number of scrumptious additives can be put between two cookies to enhance their deliciousness. Peanut butter, ice cream, salami, the possibilities are endless.Cookies also have fucking awesome names. What other categories of desserts have members with names like Snickerdoodle, SpritzgebÃ¤ck (yes, I did find this on Wikipedia), Samoas, and Salami Sandwich Cookies (patent pending)? And that’s just cookies starting with the letter S! Snickerdoodles alone should win some award for most hilarious dessert name. What could be better than a scrumptious dessert that satisfies your hunger AND makes you laugh? If they dispensed checks to pay my rent, they might replace my family as my favorite thing in the world. Although they would also have to learn how to play cribbage, and maybe make themselves. . . but I digress.
If this wealth of empirical fact hasn’t convinced you that cookies are the single greatest thing to happen to mankind since the wheel was invented, let us also consider how easy they are to make. They aren’t like other desserts where you have follow a complicated recipe that calls for things like turmeric and three eighths of half a tablespoon of reduced fat canola oil. They don’t require you to check their temperature nine times during the baking process. Essentially all you do with cookies is throw some delicious shit in a bowl, slap it on a baking tray, and in less than 20 minutes you’re sitting down to eat. Bon Appétit. Enjoy the Salami Sandwich Cookies.
Henry Meier is a senior Philosophy major. He can be reached at email@example.com.
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