Author: Berit Anderson
There comes a time in every hook-up when you have to make a critical decision. The clothes are off, you’ve done the deed and the only question running through your mind is the quintessential, “Should I spend the night?” Pros and cons race through your sex-addled mind. You’re spent (hopefully) and all you really want is to pass out exactly where you are, but is it worth the morning-after muckiness?
It’s important for you to weigh the decision carefully, because it’s too easy for normally good people to slip into the role of the runner. Although I’m not proud to admit it, I myself have fallen victim to post-coital flight reflex in the sheer “Dear God, what have I done?!” panic of the moment. Yes, I’ve gone the Cinderella route, fleeing for home as soon as the clock hits midnight (my most heartfelt apologies), but it’s because of this that I can advise you, the reader, to relax and stay a while. Your glass slippers will still be there come morning.
I’m not advocating the sleepover as a means of securing cuddle time. Even I, a snuggly female, go through an adjustment period before sharing a bed with someone becomes a pleasurable experience. Regardless, I would be insulted if someone I slept with left in the middle of the night. It’s a blatant, “You’re not hot enough to warrant a sleepover. I’m fleeing now to preserve my reputation and avoid my inevitable fall from social grace if anyone finds out I did you.” I’ve yet to meet a soul strong enough to absorb a blow like this without being left to sort through psychological rubble and newly induced body image problems.
So why do we run? The dorm bed itself often acts as the greatest slumber party deterrent. I realize that its extra-long status doesn’t make it any more spacious than your little sister’s twin, but that is not an excuse for dining and dashing. It may be a tight squeeze, but it shouldn’t be too much of a transition from your earlier activities (if everything has gone according to plan). If you don’t think you’re up to after-the-fact prolonged body contact, you probably shouldn’t have hit the ball over the fence in the first place. Perhaps next time, you should stick to bunting.
The awkward roommate run-in has also historically been cited as an area of concern. Luckily facilities has also foreseen this issue—and here you thought all they did was raise and lower your bunk beds. Every dorm can actually be locked from the inside. Here’s a novel idea. Take advantage of this feature. If you can remember the simple mechanics of the dead bolt, you should be good to go.
In my opinion, if you have big enough cojones to sleep with someone you don’t know or care about, you should be prepared to literally sleep with them. In the same bed. Regardless of missing underwear, bad breath, smeared makeup or any other superficial excuses made in the heat of post-coital flight reflex. Who knows, if you stick around ’til morning, you might even get to partake in a repeat performance of the night before.
That said, if you don’t have a guilt problem leaving your hook-up in the lurch, then by all means, strap on your running shoes. Just don’t come trying to play ball on my field anytime soon. You’ll strike out.
Berit Anderson is a junior DWA major. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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